Family History: An Interview with Mom
Introduction
I conducted an interview with my Mom about our family history. In the interview, I asked questions on key family dynamics, relationship triangles, and relationship processes. In the beginning of the interview, she described their marriage relationship to have lasted 35-years now since they met 26 years ago. In their courtship, they shared marriage goals, traditions, routines, values, and norms. Courted for 2 years, Mom became married at her 24th birthday.
Presentation of Findings
About any existence of family traditions and routines, the mother looked open and responding to this question. Our culture holds women responsible of household chores and brings up children and men are required to provide for the family. In fact, her responses were success based and more affect. She indicated that traditions require wives to be submissive to men. But, it is the role of a man to prove his worth, dignity, and respect to the wife. Above all, she was happy that her husband had been a good family leader, stating that he lives in full compliance with the norms.
On the question of individual family goals, she stated that she seeks to maintain a happy, peaceful, and health family relationship. Also, she wants to maintain a powerful emotional contact with her family. All she wants is to achieve contentment through mutual effort and support from all members of our nuclear family. At time of challenges, she always puts trust in God and prays all the time. However, what has worked best is openness with the husband and the virtue of communicating her worries and concerns.
In response to the question of emotional fusion into the family, she was unease in her response. However, she cited that instances of emotional fusion have of course been there into her marriage life and relationship (Bown, 2008). She described her husband to be a bold, strict, and moody but also a very forgiving and reasoning gentleman. So under instance of emotional fusion, she has always set aside her positions in service of achieving peace and harmony in the family. The good thing she boasts of is that there has never been any instance of reactive distancing into the family.
In the question of “what is the general level of differentiation in the family?” she stated that there have been no much complains about her personality from his husband. The interviewee has a high level of differentiation, and this is the reason she maintains top individuality while maintaining health emotional contacts with her husband and all children. She is able to respond to anxiety and conflict with calmness and always separates personal thoughts and feelings from family affairs. She considers her husband as a highly differentiated gentleman based on the manner in which he achieves contentment through his own efforts, our collaboration, and respect.
In the meaning of emotional triangle into the family, she reflected on their larger system of relationship that encompasses all members of their nuclear family (Brown, 2012). She said that her husband helps her reduce anxiety and remain strong in times of challenges. While there are no fights in their marriage, they still engage their children into important family sessions and this helps them manage and reduce anxiety within the family.
Conclusion
The Bowen structures shed light on family structures that I had previously not known. The concept of differentiation of self has helped me understand the benefit of separating one’s feelings and thoughts when dealing with family affairs. In the triangle concept, I have learned that two people in a marriage relationship might vacillate between distance and closeness; and thus it is important to triangulate children in a relationship so as to manage anxiety.
References
- Bown, J. (2008). Is Bowen theory still relevant in the family therapy field? Journal of the Counsellors and Psychotherapists Association of NSW Inc, 3, 11-17.
- Brown, J. (2012). Growing yourself up: How to bring your best to all of life’s relationships. Wollombi, NSW: Exisle Publishing.